I started my journey about 15 years ago but I didn’t truly begin until January, 2025. I had received my 6th and final major concussion in 2012. I was bounced around from doctor to doctor while trying to figure out what was going on with me. Psych evaluations told a different story than what I felt on the inside. They said I was “normal” and that I just needed to “work a little harder” due to my “new brain”. At first, I tried everything they said with hope that it would work. I took the pills, entered and was hooked up to a multitude of different scary machines, and was poked and prodded… the list goes on. While in treatment, I wondered what the end would look like or if there was even an end. Would there be a cure? 

Physically, I looked healthy. Besides the weight gain after being forced to retire, I was physically healthy. The mental health, on the other hand, was not so healthy. I experienced migraines daily, blurred vision, light and sound sensitivity, short and long term memory loss, insomnia, mood disturbances, vertigo… again, the list goes on. I refused to give up. Each doctor had their own approach but they all ended up just handing me a pill that “should help” my symptoms. Some treatments helped, some didn’t, but they led me back to square one. My symptoms progressively became worse over time and I fell into a very dark state of mind.

Throughout the various treatment options, I of course had to do my own research. During my research, I came across a very accomplished former NHL player, Daniel Carrillo. When I first became familiar with Dan, he played for the Chicago Blackhawks along side my favorite player. When I next heard of Dan, he was undergoing extensive testing for CTE.

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. My concern for this grew. I thought this was my future. I thought my brain was already unraveling. I thought I was going to die young. I thought… Then I reached out to Dan when he posted about Experience Onward. This is where my healing truly began. Dan introduced me to my new best friend, Matt Curran. 

Matt and I had many sessions leading up to my ceremony day. Under medical guidance, I was able to titrate off of my meds for the first time in 21 years. I started to get back on a diet that worked. Matt was truly a blessing for me. He was put on this earth to spread awareness and comfort to those he meets. We had many long conversations about life and healing. I took the preparation to the extreme! I felt like this was right for me. 

The day before my ceremony, Matt picked me up from the airport and we immediately took a walk through nature. The Pacific Northwest is so ALIVE! The sights and sounds and vibe of that area made me feel very grounded. I then checked into my hotel and prepared for my ceremony the next day. 

I met Matt at the center and the rest is history. I went into nature and went under and healed. Matt has this aura about him which brought me much comfort during the hardest of times I faced while I was healing. He has so much knowledge from his own experience and the experiences he’s guided others on. When I was coming out of my ceremony, I was really having a hard time. Matt was right there, by my side, offering anything he could to help me. We walked around the facility and talked before I finally found a seat. He was able to help me make sense of some of things I was experiencing and that brought me more comfort than I could have imagined.

Born again. I feel like I have truly been reborn. My outlook and appreciation of life has completely changed. I did not realize how much baggage I was actually carrying. I was able to venture inward and take a real hard look at myself and start to heal. I started to prioritize me for the first time in my life. I am still exploring what this new version of reality is for me. If at any time I feel lost, Matt is a phone call away! I’m excited to carve my own path forward. 

Matt, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for being such a great friend and an even better mentor. Thank you for giving me the tools to prepare and have the best possible chance of success. Thank you for giving me a second chance at this beautiful thing we call life. Love you, brother!

Paul H